Taking the Harder Path After College

November 15, 2021

By Tom Andre

Unless you have always known what you want to do with your life, it’s not easy to be a recent college graduate. You’re likely expected to embark on a “career.” Perhaps you have had some internships and done well. Did those internships stoke a real passion? Great! 

If not, join the club. For many, it’s not paying dues or working hard. It’s about looking at people who are mid-career and thinking: “I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to spend the next 15 years of my life dedicated to this work just so that I can get to where they are, which is a place I don’t want to be. It doesn’t seem worth it to me, and it’s incredibly depressing.” 

I’m sure there is a school of thought that would say, “Hey, it’s rough out there. Life isn’t easy. Toughen up and get used to it.” The thinking behind this is most likely something like, “Sure, it stinks, but it stinks for all of us, so don’t think you are better than anyone else, or special.”

I don’t think that’s a very helpful sentiment. 

It’s like saying that because kids get too much vacation, adults should be happy they don’t get enough. Of course you’re not better than anyone else, but you don’t have to like our system, which is roughly like this: 

In school, we see continual progress. All you have to do is pass and you are “promoted” to the next grade. The grade levels keep going up, and then you have a big celebration. (And we should celebrate. School is hard. It’s a big achievement to get through it.) But while everyone who passes gets to graduate, not everyone who does their job well gets to constantly move up and eventually be CEO. 

Of course not everyone is going to get promoted, so competition heats up. There just isn’t room for everyone at the top of any organization, and so many people compete for it. 

The transition from the academic to the working world can cause real whiplash. Especially if you think you may have been condemned to years of misery in a profession you can’t stand, it does truly feel like losing a lot of freedom.  So how do you avoid this fate if you don’t even know what you “want” yet out of your working life? 

First, give yourself some more time. Just because you haven’t seen a job that appeals to you doesn’t mean a good life doesn’t exist. You may not have been exposed to people who share your concerns, so how could you expect to have figured it out yet all on your own? 

In the meantime, do something – anything – that helps provide a service that people need or enjoy. Maybe it’s picking up trash. Maybe it’s selling warm bread in the morning, or driving a bus, or teaching. 

Also, don’t be the bad guy. Don’t market cigarettes to teens. Don’t convince people who are struggling to take on more debt. Don’t be a patent troll. Don’t help billionaires hide their money. 

If you don’t want to be part of a rat race, finding those other options and possibilities means that you have some extra work cut out for you. This isn’t a bad thing. It is just a harder path, but perhaps one with better views along the way. 

By Tom Andre

I am a licensed marriage and family therapist working in El Segundo and Century City (Los Angeles), California. I have experience working with a broad range of problems, and I have a special interest in the lifelong questions about identity, meaning and purpose. Additional areas of interest and experience include grief and loss, parenthood and fertility, and trauma.